When I enter a cathedral, I always pause at the entrance to witness my feelings. I ask myself is it the architecture or the sacredness of the place that dominates my thoughts? The architecture is about the physical form in front of me. My senses place me within this world of form, creating the experience of subject and object to help me navigate through the space. My acquired knowledge helps me appreciate the physical work of building at such a large scale and the skill in creating the beauty around me. The world of form is created by my thoughts. I feel sacredness is an experience beyond the world of form. In the dictionary, it is defined as '... a connection with God'. The idea that by letting go of thoughts, we can experience a formless and infinite world called God, deeply resonates with me. It is an awareness of being, which is untroubled by thinking. The painting explores this transition from thinking to awareness. The figures represent our thoughts and identification with the world of form. The patterns, taken from a tomb, symbolise the letting go of thoughts, to a place of pure awareness.

In the Cathedral I sit quietly in front of a tomb. I enjoy the stillness calming my mind. I begin to think about the person in the tomb with whom I share this stillness. I do not know their name or anything about them, except I have a shared experience, beyond the world of form and thoughts. We are both simply being.
The patterns carved on the tomb have became a symbol of the stillness I felt and I have repeated this reference in many of the following drawings and paintings. They have become like a mantra, taking me to a place of calmness, peace and oneness. The drawing depicts me thinking of the tomb and letting the patterns fill my consciousness. When I do this, thoughts of a separate and individual self are replaced with a feeling of connection.

In the stillness of just sitting, I acknowledge how I agonise over problems that have little importance to my life. I believe this is my ego, finding imagined conflicts where I can be either superior or miserable, either way it makes me feel satisfyingly different or special. The painting depicts my thoughts being witnessed. The thoughts are represented by phases of the moon, because my thoughts are about moments in time, either past or future. The witnessing presence exists in the present moment and is the consciousness behind my thoughts. It is represented by images from a place of stillness (a tomb) and just an eye. This witnesser of my thoughts is formless and universal. It is both the present moment and pure awareness.

As I sit, these feelings of connection grow. I drift between witnessing these feelings and being the feelings. As my thoughts became calm and subside, awareness replaces dualistic thinking. Identifying as a separate self becomes meaningless in this moment. It is replaced with a consciousness, undefined by form and only aware of itself. Without the confines of form and without the limitations of a finite mind, I continue to sit. In the drawing above I depict this feeling of connection with other people. The two figures are connected by the patterns from the tomb. In finding an awareness behind my thoughts in me, I find a universal awareness behind all thought.

From day to day I drift between being present and thoughts creating an illusionary world. An internal dialogue distracts me, taking me from the present into the past or future. I think about previous encounters, frustrated that I did not do this or say that. I imagine future conflicts, rehearse my lines, only to find my fears never materialise. My dualistic thinking grasps for solid, separate, and permanent existence. In the drawing confused figures depict the constant chatter in my mind. Behind all my thinking is a consciousness from which everything arises and fades. The happiness I grasp for is always there.

As I sit, I become aware that what I see is filtered and interpreted through my own experiences, culture, education and awareness. My thoughts are real to me, but not reality. The drawing shows how my vision passes through all these thoughts, influencing the way I see my world. Each phase of the moon represents a moment in time which I have experienced and now colours my thinking. I look at the people in the cathedral and notice the assumptions I make based on their dress, age or ethnicity. My predjudices define their character and yet, when I look in the mirror I don't recognise the person in my thoughts.

My thoughts give me an identity, a library of experiences and knowledge to keep me alive. But in these moments of stillness, who is the witness of my thoughts? In the painting my head is full of thoughts of past and future, with which I identify. If I pass through the patterns beneath my thoughts, I find the consciousness that is just 'I am'. The words are both within and beyond my body. The conscious state that is required for me to say "I am" is the same for you as it is for me. It is a universal awareness of itself. Perhaps it is the God in all of us.

I drift between thoughts, acknowledging each one and then returning to the space between my thoughts. I find no identification with form or self in this limitless space. The way I work is to take a phrase like the one above and start drawing. I initially created a representation of thoughts and time, personified by the two red figures (past and future) with a space inbetween. Ideas then pour onto the paper as soon as they come with no preconception of the final outcome. As the drawing evolves it starts to talk back and present new ideas and more depth to the subject. Original ideas fade and are rubbed out, replaced with fresh observations. By overlaying ideas upon ideas, the painting holds a progression of thoughts in time and takes me on a journey.

The praying figure, taken from the tomb, represents the wisdom of not knowing. It symbolises the awareness behind thought. In reality, this state of 'not knowing' is formless and unobservable. There is no subject and object, it is just aware of itself in non duality. When Moses asked God for his name, God said "I am that I am". The consciousness of 'I am' is the wisdom of not knowing. In my drawings I keep the process very fluid. As ideas come, I continually add and subtract them to the drawing. This often generates unexpected combinations of symbols and figures, where old ideas accidentally interact with new. You can see this process here, with old ideas faintly visible. The drawing, as in this case, eventually becomes a simple statement. There is never any preconceived conclusion, there is just a moment when the drawing feels finished. There is also no 'knowing', just an awareness that the image resonates deep within me. ......more

When I am in a cathedral, I usually just sit near a tomb for a few moments. I imagine the past, when the deceased lived and then I think of the future, when I will be gone. In the stillness, the concept of 'I' becomes meaningless. My thoughts create an identity which comes from and returns to stillness. I am just thoughts, while my true self is a shared eternal stillness.
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The process of quietening my mind brings awareness of my thoughts. I cannot grasp or define this awareness as to do so transfers it into a thought. But with stillness, I let the awareness experience itself.
The drawing depicts my mind becoming full of stillness and without thoughts I become empty of separation. ......more

In my life I am aware of patterns of behaviour that pass from generation to generation. These patterns can be destructive but I believe awareness and acceptance is the means to effect positive change. ......more

The spiral illustrates my spiritual journey, arriving in the centre where there is nothing. There is no deity, no life changing epiphany or profound experience. It is “empty” of solid, separate, and permanent existence. It is empty of 'enlightenment', as enlightenment has no witness. Only enlightenment is aware of enlightenment. So I return on the same path, to the same ever changing world that I had left, doing what I did before, but also having changed. My happiness is now not found in achieving external milestones, but in the wisdom of not knowing. ......more

When an owl hovered above me, time and thoughts stood still. In that magical moment, I realised my existence is dependent and connected to everything that has ever happened and is. ......more

The drawing shows a tree containing figures. They represent thoughts of comparison, differentiation and separation. This is the dualistic thinking in my mind. The tree is a reference to The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil in the garden of Eden. I like the interpretation that this story is about the introduction of dualistic thinking to Adam and Eve. If we are born innocent, then perhaps our society and culture of today is the new version of the serpent, where we are encouraged to believe that the 'self' is all important and by being better, special or materialistically richer than others, we will achieve happiness. ......more

I've represented thoughts as the phases of the moon. They are moments in time that appear and then fade away, leaving stillness. Beyond the stillness is 'I am'. It is my true self as infinite consciousness. ......more

I don't think the Buddha ever said there was no 'self'. However, in Buddhism and many religions there is the concept of oneness and universal consciousness. Finding stillness and letting thoughts go takes me to this place. ......more

In Chichester cathedral there is a tomb for a notable medieval couple. The inscriptions and faces of the two effigies have faded but the couple are still affectionately holding hands. The tomb inspired Philip Larkin to write his poem 'An Arundel Tomb'. The last line reads...'What will survive of us is love' which when read out of context, suggests love rather than name, status, ego etc endures beyond the grave. Whether Larkin intended this interpretation is unlikely but for me the combination of the last line of the poem and the faded inscriptions on the tomb is a wonderful monument to how our identities fade but our actions can live on. As the Zen Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh wrote.. 'My actions are my only true belongings'. ......more

I think to die before I die is to drop ideas and concepts of a separate self and to become aware of that which we obscure with our delusions. To realize this true self before our bodies die. The body, feeling, memories, thoughts and consciousness remain but are no longer seen as 'self' or belonging to 'self'. ......more

The painting explores the idea that we are a narrative, not a person. We are just thoughts, that return to stillness. We are consciousness. ......more

In this drawing I am witnessing the rotating wheel of death and rebirth. The figures are all our ancestors, whose actions have led to us. The figures could also represent events or influences that have effected our ancestors. Either way, all these people, events or history live on in us. We are our ancestors. In the centre of the rotating wheel, where the hub is, it is still, calm and peaceful. It is Nirvana. It is a place we can find within us and is not subject to the rotating wheel of life. It is a place of universal stillness and an awareness beyond just form. I have identified in my own life patterns of behaviour that have passed from one generation to the next. It seems finding this place of stillness and awareness, is the first step in addressing these negative patterns. ......more

In the drawing, the two figures are connected by the symbol of stillness. A symbol I have used in many pictures, originating from a tomb in a cathedral. If I can let my thoughts quieten down, I become a stillness, without dualistic thought, that is universal. From this stillness, we are born and will return. I like the analogy that we are a wave, created by our thoughts. We briefly exist but if we look carefully, we realise there is a vast unlimited and eternal ocean which is also 'you'. The drawing also hints at the circle of life, where the figures are connected to each other and through 'stillness'. In this way, life is eternal.. ......more

The labyrinth illustrates my spiritual journey, arriving in the centre where there is nothing. There is no deity, no life changing epiphany or profound experience. It is “empty” of solid, separate, and permanent existence. So I return on the same path, to the same ever changing world that I had left, doing what I did before, but also having changed. ......more

In Chichester cathedral there is a tomb for a notable medieval couple. The inscriptions and faces of the two effigies have faded but the couple are still affectionately holding hands. The tomb inspired Philip Larkin to write his poem 'An Arundel Tomb'. The last line reads...'What will survive of us is love' which when read out of context, suggests love rather than name, status, ego etc endures beyond the grave. Whether Larkin intended this interpretation is unlikely but for me the combination of the last line of the poem and the faded inscriptions on the tomb is a wonderful monument to how our identities fade but our actions can live on. As the Zen Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh wrote.. 'My actions are my only true belongings'. ......more

I see the Tree of Knowledge story from the bible as a parable about how our obsession with 'self' has become unbalanced with being 'selfless'. It reminds me of the cycle of reincarnation in Samsara, including one's actions and their consequences in past, present, and future. Both find liberation by looking within. ......more

I was in Durham cathedral looking at the rose window. The shapes made me think of people rotating around a centre, like a clock. This reminded me of Samsara and I liked the idea that the centre was still, like the hub of a rotating wheel, and in stillness we find enlightenment. So when I saw an owl hovering above me one evening, it brought me a magical stillness, with no thoughts, and in that moment, a glimpse of enlightenment. ......more

Having been inspired by the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh, I began to explore how we are connected to every action of our ancestors. We are those actions and they live on in us. ......more

The Ted Talk by Donald Hoffman sparked my interest in the idea that all form is created by a universal consciousness and that the world we perceive is a fraction of reality, filtered and translated through our thoughts so that we can function. ......more

In this painting I was thinking about the freedom of 'no self' as opposed to the self awareness given to us by the serpent in the Garden of Eden. The owl has come to represent this freedom for me, because when witnessed in nature, I find all thoughts stop and I am brought fully into the present moment. ......more

I think I enjoy my problems. They reinforce my sense of self, even if they cause me suffering. They make me feel special. Just a chance thought can trigger a long and pointless dialogue in my head, where I am centre stage. Only when I drop this notion of a 'self' do I find peace. My painting depicts multiple figures in blue, perhaps different versions of me or just different people. Either way, their identity is based in thought, while the green image of the single figure, depicting stillness and universal consciousness, unites us beyond thought. ......more

The drawing explores the formless space deep within us, which is our pure sense of self. It has no form, it is not born nor dies. It is an ever present awareness of form, which includes awareness of thoughts. It is the eternal space within which everything is perceived. It is the ‘I’ in ‘I am’, the infinite ‘I’. It is Gods own sense of self.......more

A chance encounter with wildlife brings me instantly into the present moment. Thought is left behind, replaced by awareness. In the drawing this awareness is represented with the letter 'I' crossed out. An awareness which is not burdened by labels, preconception or knowledge. I see the world as if for the first time, like a child. A magical moment that instantly lets go of the internal chatter and dualistic thinking in my mind. ......more

All my thoughts and worries centre around an imagined future. If I can let go of my ego (depicted as a crown) and time (symbolised by the phases of the moon), then my thoughts become calm. I feel a stillness (represented by the carvings on the side of a tomb). In this stillness, a clarity replaces the endless imagined problems. A realisation of what I can do now, and what I need to let go. ......more

I think I enjoy my problems. They reinforce my sense of self, even if they cause me suffering. They make me feel special. Just a chance thought can trigger a long and pointless dialogue in my head, where I am centre stage. Only when I drop this notion of a 'self' do I find peace.

All my life I have anticipated conflict, which in reality never materialised. I rehearse possible arguments or fantasise about conversations where I can impress. The picture depicts my conscious self, with no thoughts and fully present, witnessing my unconscious self. The serpent has given me an ego and identity which feeds off thoughts of past and future. ......more

The narrative in my mind distracts me. I often find myself not listening deeply to another person, but simply waiting to reply. The chatter in my mind is of past and future, creating an imagined present. It is nearly always dualistic thinking and I find my self in a world I have created, often full of confrontation and anticipated problems, but never reality... ......more

I think having an illusion of self is essential for us to be able to navigate the world and survive. However, with a lack of self awareness, we allow the illusion of self to dominate our lives. Dualistic thinking takes over. My world becomes burdened with comparison, differentiation and separation and I begin to spend too much time creating a self image for people to acknowledge. I am beginning to realise that this image I create, is in fact, only seen by me. ......more

I was thinking about the Tree of knowledge of good and evil when drawing this picture. When challenged by God, Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the serpent. With this act of not taking responsibility for their actions, driven by a new dualistic and egoic sense of self, suffering was born. This dualistic thinking, which is largely argumentative, has been dominant in my life. Perhaps fashioned by society, culture and education but ultimately fuelled by a misguided sense of self. ......more